My heart waits...

I get the question all the time..."how's the adoption going?"  I love that question!!! I have nothing new to say but I love to share.  Right now all I can say is We wait....still waiting for fingerprint clearance.  Days and weeks seem like forever right now.  The boys ask, is the baby coming soon, is the baby a boy or a girl, can they sleep in my room.  I want to have answers to their questions, I want a picture, or a story but we wait.  That is the story of our life right now.  All in God's time.

We have days that are crazy, and schedules that are crazier.  And I just can't wait to add one more!!! My heart waits to meet our baby, to hold them, comfort them, and share them.  My heart waits to give love to them that is meant for no one else but them.  My heart waits to see their two big brothers hold them, and love them (which will include annoying them:)  My heart waits to see their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friend give them the love they deserve.  My hearts waits for the hearing of their first word, the first boo-boo, and the first hug.  My heart waits to see my husband become a dad again in a totally different way. 

My heart will help my head when things get tough, when money is tight and emotions are high.  My heart will help lead me through the tough times that might be ahead.  As my heart waits it grows stronger in Christ and more dependant on His strength. 

My heart waits for this child that God will so graciously bless us with.  His timing is perfect of this I am sure.  Until that day...my heart waits.

Prayers

Ok, so I don't feel like my usual optomistic self today.  The Lord has a plan, I'm sure of that... it just hasn't been revealed to me yet.  That makes me stressed. 
How will this all work?
Is it possible?
How will I take off at least 6 weeks?
Child Care?
Food?, Diapers?, Money?, arrangements?
How to do what is best for the baby and the rest of my family?

Today has been a day of prayers for me.  I seem to spend time in constant prayer when things don't feel quite right. 
As I make a poster for our church both announcing our plans to adopt and asking for their support I titled it "Prayers Needed".  I feel like that is never more accurate then now.  I could use your prayers.  Prayers for strength, clarity, wisdom, and peace.
Thanks for your prayers in advance. :o)

Letting go!

One more thing on our checklist to adoption complete.  Our home visit is D.O.N.E.  She came on my birthday and I couldn't have asked for a greater gift.  All the build up, stress, and cleaning that lead to the hour and half visit which consisted of about a five minute walk around the house and she didn't even look at the basement (which was really a good thing but we cleaned it :o).  The last thing we are waiting for is the FBI clearance to come back.  Then our Home Study can be released and we can have our profile shown.

We have also decided to change our preference for the sex of the child to either a boy or a girl.  As much as I would LOVE to have tights as part of my child's wardrobe, I know that our family will be just as happy with a boy.  This will allow our profile to be shown to birth parents who choose not to find out the sex of their child.  And ultimately God is in control, so He will make the best choice for us.  I've got to tell you...boy was it hard to let that go.  I like to be in control and I'm a planner, and giving up this control was tough, BUT I know for me this is how I let go and fully allow my trust to be in Him.  He's already given me two fantastic boys and I know this child (whether boy or girl) is perfect for our family!!

Life Book

I questioned even posting about this.  As many know this is a personal blog for me.  It's to share my (and our) excitement, struggles, and progress.  If I offend I'm sorry.  This struggle is about the tool that is a necessary part of bringing our child home.  People have asked me what happens if the birth parents don't like any of the profiles/ life books they are presented with.  Well, some will choose to parent that child themselves and the statistics for parents who sought adoption and then choose to parent instead have a high DCF involvement rate.

Adoption is so different depending on your chocies.  We have choosen private adoption as it fits best with our family.  But the life book seems like a pled with a mom to give us her baby.  There are so many children out there who need loving homes that it frustrates me to have to pled with anyone to give up their baby.  It's not a ham or a house but a baby.  It's a great design I know, having a birth mom choose her child's family.  It leads to more comfort about her decision, and a say in how this child is raised.  It also leads to the child knowing so much more about where they came from and why they were put up for adoption.  This is great for the child.  But I can't help but feel the life book cheapens it or maybe it's just my fear of not getting choosen.  However long it takes I know that we are suppose to add another child to our family through adoption.

In the end I need to get over it.  I need to stop worrying about what others think and begin to follow what we feel God's calling us to do.  Who cares if people think we're selfish to adopt domestically.  Who cares if I have to go through putting together a book that sells us as a great family (we are great ;o).  I care about the little baby that God has waiting just for us and that no matter how long we wait or what hoops we have to jump through this baby needs our home and we need them!

Progress

I'm amazed what can happen when there is a deadline.  Our home visit (that will complete our home study) is only 12 days away. It also happens to be on my birthday, what a great gift!! But today we managed to tear down a collapsed shed (with help of course...thanks Ken:o) and to clean and organize an entire room.  That doesn't sound like much of a feet but add six children to the mix and you can see just how amazing that was!

Now on to the life book...that's another post :o)