His Will

With Hurricane Irene here I have had time to read.  Maybe too much time to read.  We received from our agency the Adoptive Families Magazine.  There are some really great articles, some make me think a little too much. 

I am questioning whether domestic adoption is the best choice for our family.
Did I offend or say something wrong in my birth mom letter?
Is our profile picture wrong?
Am I prepared for the ups and downs?
Am I negatively effecting my children?

There is so much about this process that I can't control.  And the stress builds.  Then I remember that
I am not in control of anything and that when I surrender my worries to Christ He always takes care of me.  He will hold me through the sorrows, celebrate with me in the joys, and guide me the entire way.  If I just shut up and listen, His plan is perfect. 

God continues to teach me through this process about His control, when I surrender to Him my heart is at peace. 

Tonight I will sleep at peace in his will!

Do you know this song??

I am a music lover.  Songs touch me like nothing else can.  I feel them and they truly touch my heart.  About 2 1/2 years ago I was looking on a friends facebook page.  They had a music video of a christian singer who sang a beautiful song that made me cry.  It featured adopted children & parents.  It was shot on a beach with the artist sitting behind a piano on the beach.  The singer was bald I think.  As it continues you see parents with their children walking together and a little girl running to be picked up by her mommy.  I've looked through YouTube a lot especially at Mark Schultz but have yet to find it. 

After seeing that video, I showed my husband and I grew ever more convinced that this was what the Lord would want someday for us.  I prayed, and prayed, and at one point thought his answer to our prayers was no, when it was really not yet. 

I want to find that song!  I don't know who sang it.  I don't know the title or even the lyrics, just the images in my head.   It was so touching.

If you know of it I'd greatly appreciate a title.  That song is one of the reasons we are where we are today. 

My one and only time I ask... Promise!!

Fundraising!  Doesn't the name itself sound great but the act of doing so is really hard, especially for me.  I know it is part of this process and it comes a close second to the hardest part of this adoption (which was the "dear Birth Mom" letter).

So here goes my fundraising...
We are selling these pretty butterfly dangle beads for European style bracelets.  These beads would be pretty for a necklace charm too.  Not only do these beads support bringing our baby home but they also serve as a reminder of your love for our family.   Butterflies have long represented new life and we feel this is so fitting for a charm that will represent this new chapter of our life and the new baby.  

We are selling the beads for $10.  You can contact us via facebook or leave a comment here and we'll get back to you.  :o)

We can't begin to thank you enough for your support and generosity in this process.  Whether you can support us by buying a bead or saying a prayer, we appreciate and will remember the love that has been shown to our unknown baby and our family!  God's blessings to you!!

Family Outing

It isn't very often, I'm sad to say, that we have gotten to get away for a day trip.  We had our week at the beach but summer is one of the few times you can jet off for a day and do something you don't normally do.  Well today we did.  We went to a cartoon museum and it was great. Nothing talked, flashed, or moved.  It was simple fun, and such a nice change of pace. 
There were lots of photo ops and we took advantage of almost all of them.  Here are just a few to capture our trip. 

My mom found someone she's taller than...

My dad found someone taller than him

The kids found their favorite characters

and we made some great memories too.

We ended our day with some ice cream...Muddy sneakers was the ice cream flavor favorite...you'll have to experience that flavor for yourself. 

Life interrupted...

I had a whole other post planned to write tonight, about summer and going by so fast.  Then life interrupted.  We have been struggling with an interference in our boys.  Not sure if it's the food we are eating or the electronics they are playing, or the impending changes (adoption, school starting, etc.) but something is just not right.  As a mom I can FEEL it.  I know that sounds odd but it's all I know. 

Tonight my oldest son had a rough night with his brother and being kind in general.  So as a consequence he had to do karate without his belt.  This seems like a small consequence but it left him feeling and telling his brother that he wanted to run away.  And my heart hurts just as much as his does at times like these. 

At bed time we talked and played through life scenario's.  We talked about why God made parents and that our job is to make sure that they grow up to be the men God wants them to be...trustworthy, God fearing, kind, compassionate men! And as God would have it, during our bed time prayer I said something that touch Tyler's heart and he "got it".  The tears flowed, encouragement flowed, and love flowed.  So clesha but truly how the night ended, it opened up a door to talk about the hard things in life and that as a family (and with God's strength) we help get though anything together.

As a mom it was a very emotional and heart filling night.  I saw Tyler ache at choices he made and feel forgiveness and strength in his family support.  God is so GOOD!! 

Just like being pregnant...

As my fabulous sister -in- law says it feels like I'm pregnant we just don't know how long.  When you're pregnant you begin to wonder... hope... plan.  I have been hoping and wondering since we started this process.  I have left planning out because the date is unknown and it hurts too much to plan.  To plan means baby is coming, and we have NO idea when that could be.  Yet I continue to pray every day for the babies that need homes and the one that will find their way into our hearts & home. 

So I have begun to plan.  Our interest last week sparked me to feel the need to plan just a little.  In a typical adoption, we will find out we are matched about 2 to 3 months prior to the due date, which is plenty of time to plan and prepare.  But as we saw last week we could find out the day baby is born, or baby could be early.  So I have decided to let down my guard just a little and bring the co-sleeper to my house.  I have a car seat, just the essentials for now.  But I have begun to plan and that step alone opens my heart to what God has in-store.

Our First Disappoimtment.....

Yesterday was one of those days that I dreamed about.  We got a email asking if we would like our profile to be shown to ASAP to a Birth mom who delivered a baby girl early yesterday morning.  Baby girl is 6lbs 12 oz and was born in Virginia. 

So the frantic effort began to get paperwork & profiles sent to them, but our agency didn't get the clearance paperwork to them in time and our profile wasn't shown.  There is a slight chance that it might be shown today but its slim. 

It makes me sad to think of this little girl in her clear bassinet with no one by her side.  It makes me sad to think of this birth mom with the stress of this decision.  I pray that she finds peace with her choice and that she found the right family to give her that peace. 

I'm disappointed but not discouraged.  This is the ups and down of adoption.  And I'm surprisingly (I'm surprised at myself) at peace with it.  I know that I am not in control and am perfectly content with that.  I know that this will not be our last disappointment, AND that God will hold us through the ups and downs until our baby is home and beyond.