Learning so much!

Don't ya just love when God shows you something that gives you peace.  This was the case for me twice in the last 2 weeks.  Both deal with our struggles with Mason and the way his brain works.  

A growth point for me was remembering I am parenting Mason for Mason, not the world so I have to remember other people's opinions don't matter.  Case in point, at Costco the other day we were offered a delicious sample of cheesecake.   Today Mason had to smell the fork with the cheesecake on it to decide if he wanted some.  As soon as the fork was close to his nose, he pushed my hand away and said "get that away".  To which the lady giving the samples said "that was very rude of him, he pushed your hand away." I  said thank you and that he had a aversion to smells and moved on.  

Now what was I thinking. ...yay! He didn't hit me when he didn't like it and he told me too!! 

At another time it would have embarrassed me if someone questioned my child's behavior or insulted my parenting but I knew better in this case.  Which I think is a parenting win for me.  Oh we will get to the point of him saying "no thanks mom" or " please can you move that away" but that is years away, so right now I choose to revel in the small victories.  

Next happened tonight.  Mas came in while I was taking a shower and wanted to shower too.  As I was about to get out, I allowed him to have the shower all to himself.   He was playing with some colored soap tubes he had gotten in his stocking yesterday, which were only a smidgen full.  We turned off the water and he sat in the empty tub to play for a few minutes.  When I peeked I a minute or 2 later, he was trying to fill the soap tunes himself with his container of body wash.  You can imagine how well that was going.  He looked up at me and said "it OK if I make a mess Mamma?"  

My sweet boy.  Now I had a plan, I was going to get him out, dry him off quick , and get him ready for bed.  But now this soapy messy kid derailed my plans. My natural reaction is to get frustrated BUT he truly didn't know anything was wrong.  He wasn't being malicious or rude, it was his body wash, and he had seen a problem  (fun soap tube empty) and was trying to fix it. So I took a deep breath,  asked if I could help and we cleaned up with a smile.  Not always my natural way but I have been learning so much about Neuro Behavioral parenting changes I need to make to support my FAS son.  I need to make changes to help him succeed, he doesn't need to change.   That has taken LOTS of effort, and a few tears...mostly mine 😊 but that's another post.  

My too older boys are learning too.  They are learning to tell Mason what they want him to do, not what they don't want.  They are looking to  redirect him when he starts to get to be too much and above all they are learning how to extend grace! Grace to me, when I mess up. Grace to Mason when his impulsiveness hurts them. And grace to themselves when their hurts come out in a way they didn't expect.   God is showing us grace all over and it feels good!  

Change

We have had a lot of charge over the last few months.  I quit my job to make more time with my family,  the kids have returned to school, and I have started a private practice.  
Some of these changes have been easy, some harder but all took extreme faith on the part of my family.   Not being able to see what the future holds is a hard thing let go of.   Maybe that's just me 😊
Anyway I was with Mason in the grocery store (a feat I would have never attempted when I was working,  I just didn't have enough patience.) And he was picking out Goldfish crackers, a women came up to me and said "I like the verse on your shirt, and that's exactly what you're doing ."  Now if you're like me once clothing is on I pay very little attention to what I am wearing.  I  said "oh thank you" feeling fairly confident I hadn't put on a shirt with a verse about sinning.  But it took me a few seconds to remember what my shirt said.  It's the Bible verse from Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." It was kinda an awakening moment.  For the last 15 years I have been "training up" other people's children along with my own of course. Now is my time to slow down and really focus on my role with my kids.

Slowing down has been tougher for me then I thought.  I have no regrets about quiting my job or starting my private practice,  I feel fully confident of God's hand in that.
My struggle is to
STOP worrying about the dishes
STOP focusing on the laundry
STOP trying to get the living room picked up.
My role right now is to
PLAY play dough (blah)
CHEER loudly
ENCOURAGE perseverance
and LOVE like crazy!

I struggle everyday to keep my patience,  remember I'm here to model to my children,  and not get overwhelmed with what is not getting done. But God isn't finished with me yet and he daily sends my reminders of how truly blessed I am.

Beach 2015

It's our annual beach vacation.   Growing up a California girl these east coast beaches are nothing BUT the family time we get on this vacation is worth more than diamonds.  Most of the cousins spend the week playing, competing, and all around just enjoying each others company.   For us adults it's a chance to relax and laugh.  Our kids are funny!

Our Tyler became a teenager and we celebrated that with cake here ato the beach.  Doesn't seem possible that time has gone by that fast.  He is becoming such a kind hearted incredible kid!! ❤ him. 

Focus!

As we wait for the brothers and Daddy to finish watching a magic show, we wander around the library.  Mas is too scattered to enjoy the magician  (or to let others enjoy if he stays). So we find something else to do.

To my wonder Mason happens upon Duplos.  For 10 straight minutes he tried to build something.   It broke and he fixed it.  It broke again scattering pieces everywhere, he picked them up and continued to build.  He plugged on for 10 minutes not asking for help, not dissolving into tears, and not throwing a single piece.  It was so fun to watch him think.
I pray we will see this more often.

Really Loving It

So last post was about our struggles and from those struggles came change.  We received official diagnosis,  new OT routine, and a change in how we think about our family.

I have always been of the mindset that kids will adapt.  Do what you need to do and eventually your kids will get use to it.  Again here is where God continues to humble me...I am wrong! That may have worked just fine for my first 2 kiddos but this 3rd one isn't having it.  Well its more then he just isn't having it, he is trying really trying but he just can handle 2 schools with 2 different set of rules.  He also needs his Momma a whole lot more.  So we made some changes.  I have chosen to leave a job I love for my family that I love more.  

Seeing God's Devine wisdom he has been grooming me for this for years, I was just not ready.  We have taken that leap of faith and I will start a small private practice in order to work much less. I will not pretend to have it all together because I  don't.   I am trusting of His plan but I am still scared.

in this time of transition I have been practicing being a stay at home mom.  I have never wanted that title more then I have these last few months.   

When Tyler was born I couldn't even imagine staying home all day.  With Dylan I worked part time and went to school part time and still liked the idea of staying home but still wasn't sure it was something I could handle.  Then Mas came and I wanted to be home so much, but I just wasn't ready.   

This summer has been a great transition from work to home.  It has been slow and gradual. I have some really great kids and as I learn to step away from myself and really see them I am really loving it!

Strugglin'

Trying to figure out what our children are trying to say is one of the hardest struggles adoptive parents...heck and parent faces.  Add on top of that a special need and it can become all consuming.  Our kiddos don't always say I'm sad, scared, or overwhelmed.  They scream, pinch, run, cry, shut down, and explode. We are right here right now, and We. Are. Strugglin'

We will be shortly seeking an official diagnosis for our littlest.  He is struggling with so much aggression lately particularly with his impulse control.   It is frustrating to live it with him, but its more frustrating to be him.  

As his Momma it hurts my heart to  watch others struggle with his behavior as well.

 We knew what we were accepting when Mason came home.  We read books, blogs, and talked to another FAS mom about her life.  But Reading about the struggles and living them are TOTALLY  different.  

I am in research mode, which is what happens when life gets tough around here.  So as I research I find more and more of what we are doing all wrong and can try to adjust....the struggle is others.  Getting others to buy into this way of doing things.  When his brother is pinched for the 3rd time when all he wants to do is love on his little brother, when you are overwhelmed with all the work that has to get done and you look away for just a minute, when your job is to keep all the children safe...these strategies are hard to swallow.  It's a different mindset from all other parenting, teaching, and brothering You've ever done.   It involves a God size amount of forgiveness, patience, and grace.  But most of all prayer.  

We are not the perfect parents.  We yell sometimes, we get exhausted, we even doubt ourselves BUT we keep praising God in the hard times knowing He's got this.  

So as we keep chugging along, any spare prayer you could offer for wisdom, patience, and peace is so very greatly appreciated!  

Just Life

Ever have one of those months that just Flys by...zip it's gone.  March was like that for us.  We are now in April and are beginning to finally feel spring.

March was fun but filled with sickness and my poor Mason woke up with a fever today,  so all I can do is pray that with the warmth comes less germs. ;0)

This month is filled with birthday's.  Hubby, then Dylan turns 9, then Grammy's birthday all in the same week.  I love all the cake that comes with birthdays.  
To my surprise Dylan would like to celebrate his birthday with an airplane theme....so different it's fun to plan.  So I ordered the printable invitation on etsy, and bought a ton of gliders and we are having ourselves a party!

March was also filled with a fun quick trip to visit friends in Virginia.   Here is some fun we had along the way.

 

If you could hang on around the curves of this random post, give yourself a pat on the back!!  May God bless your week.

Sickies

This has been a week of sickness, such a week of testing.   And if we are going to be technical 8 days of icky.

It started on our last day of Family Love Weekend  (but more on that in another post). Dylan woke up and promptly threw up...all over the bathroom floor.   To state the positives, I much prefer children puking on tile floor as opposed to carpeted, thank you very much.  Slight problem, I  didn't turn on the light when I entered to help him and slide on the tile floor...eww.
Grossness aside.  Poor D was sick a good 3 days.

Now remembrance my hubby is an accountant will tell you just what an awful time of year this is to get sick.  During these last 2 weeks of February, there are now sick days and sometimes no weekends.  So when Mason spiked a fever Friday night, I thought "oh just a little  cold, no biggie". But it soon became clear overnight that this wasn't a simple cold.  A 3 year old doesn't think before he pukes, just saying.
Hubby woke from a horrible night sleep feeling just as awful as Mason but he had to pull it together to work a full 8 hours for the 6th day this week.  He works so hard for us.
But poor Mas can't seem to shake the upper respiratory infection and stomach bug combo.  I have been puked on for 3 straight days.  And when it happened today, I just started to laugh,  Cuz really by the 3rd sweatshirt change of the day, there isn't much left to do.

So with 3 down and 2 more to go, we wait.  Tyler came home from confirmation class tonight lightheaded and nauseous, so we prepare for another icky night.  As the Mama I am usually last to get it.  I am praying maybe it will bypass me this time but I know that may just be wishful thinking.

So if you are the praying kind I would love and appreciate all the prayers my kiddos can get.  It is so hard watching them be sick but the snuggles are great!

Glasses for Mason

So my cute littlest must be going through a growth spurt or something because this kid has a serious case of the whines lately.

His preschool teacher noticed when he tries to really focus on something he closes one eye.  Which wasn't a total surprise as Mason has glasses he refuses to wear.  I diligently made an eye doctor appointment.

Our eye doctor appointments seem to take forever and they usually dilate his eyes when I least expect it.  This part is torture for me.  Drops that sting go into the eyes first.  Then they send you back to the waiting room to wait at least 30 minutes before they call you back in to check.   This is a really rough time for Mason who by nature isn't good at waiting.

Some humorous points while we waited today:
*he made friends with people in the waiting room.
*he groped me while saying "hi baby" to my stomach  (I'm not pregnant )
*he then said "hi food baby" to my belly,, not so funny to me but other enjoyed.
*while whining about wanting to go home  he adds, "I'm going to call China"  totally random.

I was so glad when we were finally done.  We quickly went to look for glasses with a sales person who sounded like a used car salesman.   We picked quickly, took an even quicker photo to show daddy (that's why it is blurry), and we were out of there. A whopping 2 hours after the appointment started.

The blessing in all of this is hopefully these glasses will feel better to Mas so he can truly see the beauty in God's world around him.  And two, we don't have to go for another 6 months.   Yay!