Clean?

Have you ever wiped a table you thought was clean and turned your rag over and see the gunk your supposedly clean table was still holding on to?

Today I was struck while doing this task.  I thought I was a reasonably "clean" when it came to this adoption.  Most of my concerns I've posted here on my blog or spoken to close friends or family about.  But as I continue to read blogs, stories, see pictures and pray my heart is still soiled with the hurting of children in other countries.  I see the pictures of kids with no blankets, I hear stories of children who are left with no one to love them, answer their cries, or wipe their noses.  Those are the children I ache to help, and yet we are adopting domestically. 

When we started this process I wanted to adopt a child from Ethiopia.  My wonderful hubby wanted to adopt domestically...the only two things we were in agreement about was 1) we ARE adopting 2)we would prefer a baby.  After much prayer... and Ethiopia closing to adoption, we set the paperwork in motion to adopt domestically. 

Now 7 months into that descsion I am wanting to change our plans, change our homestudy and change our family.  I am put off by how some agencies act with domestic adotion.  We have two wonderful agencies that we are working with, but have had contact with others and have heard stories that are scary. 

So what now... This isn't an easy decision for us and having an accountant husband who keeps me grounded, we will continue on this path for now.  Our baby is out there and God knows their name!  We have decided that if in March/ April we haven't been matched that we will begin the process to change our homestudy to international.  But however this child comes to us, whether domestically or internationally, I will continue to help the 147 million out there without their forever home.  Once your heart is touched to adopt you can no longer ignore their unanswered cries...